Keeping Things Civil – by Orson Scott Card

O.S. Card’s comments here are brilliant. Take a minute to read the whole thing.

But any rational observer has to see that the Left and Right in America are screaming the most vile accusations at each other all the time. We are fully polarized — if you accept one idea that sounds like it belongs to either the blue or the red, you are assumed — nay, required — to espouse the entire rest of the package, even though there is no reason why supporting the war against terrorism should imply you’re in favor of banning all abortions and against restricting the availability of firearms; no reason why being in favor of keeping government-imposed limits on the free market should imply you also are in favor of giving legal status to homosexual couples and against building nuclear reactors. These issues are not remotely related, and yet if you hold any of one group’s views, you are hated by the other group as if you believed them all; and if you hold most of one group’s views, but not all, you are treated as if you were a traitor for deviating even slightly from the party line.

The Gift

—by Paul Wilson

Christmas for me is a time of reflection, and whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I feel it is always an important time to remember the real purpose and meaning of life. For me the purpose of life and the meaning of life are two very different things. Different both in application and in belief.

My understanding of the purpose of life and the meaning of life have come little by little—and in a large sense the truths are still unraveling for me. Yet, as I discovered more and more how differently both these beliefs interact with my life, I also began to see how both of these principles are dependent upon each other.

So, for this Christmas I offer, as a belated gift, my insights and philosophies on this subject in hopes that I can give something that has come to mean so much to me. I hope this gift does not come off presumptuous or arrogant. I do not pretend to be an intellectual, in fact, what might seem profound to me may be quite trifle to you. If this is the case, this will neither surprise nor offend me. So, with this being said, I move on to share with you my Christmas gift.

My religious upbringing has ingrained into me that life is a training ground. We exist to be tested, and depending on how we do in this life will ultimately decide what level of progression we will obtain in the next life. As with all things, there is definitely more to this belief, but this is pretty much the core of it.

However, life for me is not just about trying to fill out the right multiple choice answers. Rather, it is also about trying to understanding why I even bother filling out the multiple choices in the first place. Why put your efforts into doing something if you do not understand why you are doing it. Surprisingly, this concept of mind has increased my faith in God instead of diminishing it?

That for me has been the ultimate question in my life—what is my purpose? This question has plagued me for years. I cannot exactly remember when I finally came to find an answer which satisfied me, but it hasn’t been too long.

The purpose of life, for me, is to find truth and to live it as best as you can. I do not subscribe to subjective truth, but I do believe in subjective people. We are intricate beings who are woven with cords of emotional and intellectual complexities. We all interpret differently what we think to be right.

That is why I feel it is important to constantly redefine what truth is to us. Often I see many devout followers of religion (particularly those of my own faith) not seeking to continually discover and re-discover truth. The truth they found at the beginning of their sacred religious pilgrimage never grew from a tiny seed of hope to a mighty oak of faith. Instead, the seed morphed from a seed of truth to a seed of complacency.

Truth is fluid in the sense that as individuals we are unceasingly changing. As Heraclitus stated, “You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you.” Like water, truth continuously flows and what was true in your life 10 years ago, is not pertinent today.

That may sound as an absolute, but think of it in another sense. As a child, If you only learned your ABC’s what real benefit would they be to you now if you never formed them into words. Yes, the ABC’s are still considered a true principle, but it is a principle that is not pertinent because you never really developed that particular truth.

For me this understanding has helped me be much more open-minded. I have learned that what I consider as truth is definitely not the end, but rather the beginning, of my understanding. Appreciating people’s ideas who oppose my beliefs has helped me further understand myself and what I believe in.

I learned as a missionary for my church, though, that living truth doesn’t necessarily determine that my life has meaning. I served as a missionary in Southern California from 1996 to 1998. The first six months of my mission I lived a life as close to what I thought was right as possible. I sincerely tried to understand truth. However, I remember after six months of this life I was miserable. I wasn’t miserable because I was living a life of truth, but rather I was miserable because I was living only a life of truth.

Yes, “truth will set you free.” Free from the chains of ignorance. Free from the absurdities of temporal knowledge. Yet, being free rarely equates to happiness. Why? Happiness is not an idea or belief like truth, but an action.

The reason I was miserable as a missionary was that I was not focusing on the meaning of life, and for me, this meaning, which illuminates truth, is love. It wasn’t until several years after my mission that I discovered love to be the fountain of joy, peace, and above all significance in one’s life.

Unfortunately, in the English language we have only one word for love but a thousand different definitions. When I speak of love, I speak of healthy relationships we develop with the people we engage with on a day by day basis.

As I think of all the happy times in my life, I recognize that these memories are surrounded by the love of others. Holding my soon-to-be wife’s hand on our wedding day; my family cheering me as I received my college diploma; and even feeling my unborn daughter move around in my very pregnant wife’s belly; are all memories that have enriched and developed my life.

Death, pain, and suffering are also all teachers in unearthing meaning to one’s soul. For me, I firmly believe that there is love and even truth in personal suffering. Yet, as I contrast my alone times of pain, and the suffering I spent with others, I can starkly see a difference. Though, I believe there are times that detaching oneself from others for self reflection is a must, I have found that suffering alone is a recipe for dark misery, and greater pain; whereas, healing and hope have come about only as I have reached out to others for strength. The pop motivational speaker Tony Robbins encapsulated it well when he stated, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” 

It has been this desired quality that has proven to be guidance in my own life. In my early twenties I was the ultimate networker. I would learn your name, your passions, and your job, within the first minute of talking with you. I was the entrepreneur who continually probed to learn if there was anything you could do for me. Yet, throughout the years as I morphed from self-absorbed to self-aware, I became acutely mindful that I needed to be more on the giving side than the taking with those who I valued. Being a locus which devours a friend of all usefulness was not a friend at all. 

Interestingly, it wasn’t until years after making this change in my behavior that I saw the difference. One day I was pondering on what made me the most happiest, and I recognized it was the time spent building memories with my family and friends. I know for many of you this is not a new discovery, but for an ambitious 20-something year old, it was a profound revelation. It helped me recognize that there is nothing so valuable in this world that is worth losing the love of another. 

As our nation embarks on some difficult economical times I hope my Christmas gift will linger in your thoughts. No matter how financially destitute you may feel, there is no destitution as great as being void of truth and love. If you pursue for truth continually and strive to love throughout your life, you will always have a divine purpose and a lasting meaning to your existence!  

May you have a meaningful Christmas and a purposeful New Year!